
Grief is a natural and profound emotional response to loss, typically associated with the death of a loved one, but it can also arise from other significant life changes such as divorce, job loss, or the end of a close relationship. This article is specifically going to focus on grief arising from the loss of a loved one.
The process of grief recovery is deeply personal, often complex, and it unfolds differently for everyone. Yet, despite the diversity in grief experiences, certain approaches and strategies can help individuals heal and move forward in their own time.
Grief is often described as a multifaceted emotion that encompasses feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, and sometimes even relief. It is important to recognize that there is no “right” way to grieve. There will be times of intense emotions ranging from laughing to rage or a sense of numbness. These feelings may ebb and flow at various levels of intensity over time. The one thing that is a true constant in the process, there is no timeline for grief. The key to making it to the other side is to allow yourself to feel the full gravity of your feelings and allowing yourself a realistic time frame to process these emotions rather than suppress them.
To truly appreciate the grief process, you must first acknowledge that it is not a linear process but rather a multifaceted journey. There are 5 common emotions that will be on constant replay during this time. The first being denial. The initial disbelief or shock, especially in cases of an unexpected or untimely loss , may leave you having trouble accepting the reality of the loss. The next emotion most commonly felt next is anger. As the reality sets in, frustration and resentment may surface. While it is often directed at the situation, it is very easy to lash out at those closest to us because as humans we tend to feel that no one “understands" or been in the same emotionally vulnerable place we currently are in. The next emotion in my opinion is the most dangerous which is bargaining. Even if only a fleeting thought, you may try to make deals or negotiate with a higher power, seeking a way to reverse or undo the loss. The reason why I say this is dangerous is that it gives our darkest thoughts the light to grow and possibly lead us down a path that may be even harder to return from. I want you to keep in mind that when it comes to grief bargaining there will almost always be a looser. The next emotion is a prime example of what grief bargaining can bring on which is depression. There will be feelings of deep sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness that often follow. There will be times you may want to withdraw or feel emotionally overwhelmed.
Not too long ago, I personally was met with two of the most devastating losses I have ever experienced in my short 43-year life. I lost my mother to a brain aneurysm in June 2020. I then lost my father a few short weeks later in July 2020 due to complications related to the foreign yet familiar beast of COVID. I will admit I was distraught and in complete denial that I lost my two biggest supporters, life navigators and confidants. My quality of life took a turn for the worse. My personal relationships suffered. I completely lost myself. It wasn’t for a day ,week, or even a month. It was YEARS!!
I was blessed with both friends and family that constantly poured into me all of the love I felt I lost out on when I lost my parents. My support system did exactly that. They supported me until I was able to support myself.
I will admit that learning a way to manage grief in a healthy and productive way is not a task for the faint of heart.
A few tools that I learned to embrace were:
1. Acknowledge and Embrace
I spent so much time trying to appear strong that my soul was crumbling bit by bit on the inside. One of the first steps toward healing is to allow yourself to feel the pain of your loss. Bottling up emotions or pretending that everything is fine may delay the healing process. Whether through talking to a trusted friend or counselor, writing in a journal, or expressing yourself in art, finding a way to externalize your grief can help.
2. Seek Support
Grief can feel isolating, but support from others is essential in the recovery process. Whether through support groups, therapy, or connecting with friends and family, it’s important to reach out. Others who have experienced similar losses can provide comfort, understanding, and shared healing. A therapist or grief counselor can offer professional guidance and help process difficult emotions.
3. Take Care of Your Body
Grieving can take a toll on your physical health, making it even more important to care for your body. I went through a period where I wouldn’t eat ,I could barely sleep, shoot a glass of water was practically non-existent.
I was lucky enough to have an earth angel(Jai Johnson) that was more focused on keeping me together and functional than I was. Regular exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices like prayer and meditation can help reduce the physical symptoms of grief, such as fatigue or tension, and improve emotional well-being.
While these are not things that will result in an overnight change, rather it helps you a little bit each day. Then miraculously you will arise one day reaching acceptance. Eventually, there may be a sense of peace and a recognition that the loss is a part of life, leading to an ability to move forward.
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